Having a fixed or a growth mindset determines how challenges are faced. That’s why I tell my students, “There is no failing here. We either win or learn, but we never lose! Hard is good. You are literally smarter now than you were when you walked in the door!” A growth mindset comes to a new task with the expectation of mistakes being natural and normal. “Of course I’ll make mistakes; I’m learning.” But a fixed mindset comes to a new task with the expectation that they already have every skill they will ever have and if it is hard, then inherently they are lacking. You see this when a child reacts to even a minor struggle with anger, tears, excuses, blame shifting, and nervous behaviors. Mentors may be unwittingly supporting this belief with praise such as “You are so gifted.” Instead of, “I like how you persevered.” One is something you have no control over.
How obstacles are approached is decided by a fixed or a growth mindset. This correlates with self-compassion vs self-esteem. One study, “Self-Compassion and Reactions to Unpleasant Self-Relevant Events: The Implications of Treating Oneself Kindly”, showed people high in the trait saw themselves more accurately, but didn’t judge themselves harshly when they failed. Self compassion increases clarity about reality, less fear of failure, greater empathy for others and increased grit. In fact Eric Barker says, “research suggests that having this self-forgiving approach allows you to take more responsibility for problems while being less saddened by them”. Whereas, Self-Esteem means clinging to self-validating theories, even if it means dismissing negative feedback in order to still feel good about themselves. Self-esteem is conditional and means always trying to prove yourself. Research shows they are more likely to feel like a “loser”. Procrastination is a by-product of this often since it is related to fear of failure. (https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2007-06231-009)
“Research suggests that self-compassion is strongly related to psychological well-being, including increased happiness, optimism, personal initiative, and connectedness, as well as decreased anxiety, depression neurotic perfectionism and rumination.” This correlates strongly with a Growth Mindset that welcomes challenges because of the belief we are learning and that abilities are actively growing. The belief we will become capable facilitates feeling unintimidated and optimistic. We do not feel judged by a new experience. Our strengths are just starting points and need to be nourished.
A Growth Mindset welcomes challenges because of the belief we are learning and that abilities are actively growing. The belief we will become capable facilitates feeling unintimidated and optimistic. It ensures we do not feel judged by a new experience because our strengths are just starting points and need to be nourished.
A Fixed Mindset views challenges as an evaluation of our worth. We are defined by our current ability, because it is all we will ever have. Comfort is preferable to risking failure. It is better to look smart than be deflated and discouraged.
Be discerning. Learners are vulnerable, struggling and making mistakes trying to master something new. It can be frustrating and defeating and we develop coping mechanisms. We pick up shields to protect our soft vulnerable spots. Is your child holding up one of these shields that Brene Brown identified? 1. Move against (anger), 2. Move toward (charm), 3. Hide (lie, cheat, avoid). You can’t see them and they can’t see you if they are holding up a shield. Learners need to feel safe to be vulnerable so learning can happen.
How do we foster this growth mindset and self-compassion?
- Self-talk: Be as gentle, considerate, honest, and kind with yourself and others as you would be with a friend or a young child. Honestly seeing failures and frustrations, but in a way that do not define you, so you can work on these areas responsibly.
- Focus on small wins and “get-better goals” to increase motivation and energy.
Self-compassion means being humble, empathetic, honest, open minded, always learning and forgiving yourself. Avoid self-worth that is contingent on constantly proving yourself or delusions. By setting small “get-better goals” become great at what you do. Success yields confidence. As your skills improve so does your confidence in your abilities.
A study titled, “Self-Kindness When Facing Stress” found that being compassionate with yourself is correlated to wisdom. Harshly judging yourself and others as good or bad, as successful or unsuccessful is black and white, narrow-minded thinking. But wisdom breathes flexibility, acceptance, calmness, understanding, forgiveness, and learning that naturally becomes growth. There is an ease that comes with grace toward yourself and others that is the fruit of self-compassion and a growth mindset. https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/publications/self-kindness_when_facing_stress.pdf.
The mission of More to Grow Cognitive Development Training is to improve learning ability and function through cognitive exercises that meaningfully transfer to all educational and everyday life situations so individuals maximize their potential.
Darlene Lewis, darlene@moretogrow.com, https://moretogrow.com