HARD IS GOOD
“Ooooh! This one looks hard!” This dad had a sparkle in his eye as he leaned toward his daughter with a smile. I chimed in, “You’ve got this. Hard is good. And if you need help I will help you.” This few second exchange transformed a fearful encounter with a new cognitive skill. Positivity, encouragement given with a safety net of help, if needed, made it fun and she was successful. To be challenged, to struggle just a tiny bit, is good.
To keep the amygdala from going into flight, fight or freeze we want the brain to feel it is successful. That’s why we don’t want to say “No. That’s wrong.” Even with a mistake, we tell our kids: “Check it.”, “Good thinking. What else could it be?”. These convey that we believe they can find the right answer independently. We can also praise something besides the answer: “You are being so diligent.” “I like how you are thinking.”, “Nice pencil grip.” Sometimes children feel they should come up with an immediate answer and therefore get frustrated. Try giving them permission to take the time they need. “I’m glad you are giving yourself the freedom to think. I’m really comfortable with silence while you give yourself time.” Learners are vulnerable, struggling and making mistakes is a natural part of mastering new skills. (Recall how humbling it was to learn how to drive or another difficult task.) Come along side your student.
We are designed to learn, overcome, conquer, keep growing. Giving our children the encouragement they need to persevere and think and be okay with a mistake is empowering. It helps hard things become more welcome. We are not designed for lazy comfort and ease and stagnation. Let’s help our kids embrace challenges as good things. Hard really is good.
The mission of More to Grow Cognitive Development Training is to improve learning ability and function through cognitive exercises that meaningfully transfer to all educational and everyday life situations so individuals maximize their potential.
Darlene Lewis, darlene@moretogrow.com, https://moretogrow.com/